Peace to You

At the Christmas Eve service yesterday, the pastor talked about how God often operates differently than the world.

Case in point: when His Son was born on earth, He first chose to make the announcement to the shepherds. Today’s equivalent of anybody with a so-called “lowly” job. Ordinary. Unseen. Ignored. Overlooked.

And while I love seeing everyone’s photographs of their families and feasts on social media, I know that there are those who feel like the sky has fallen this season and thus have no desire or reason to celebrate. Those of you who’ve lost a loved one. A baby. A relationship. A job. Your health. Or perhaps your joy for life. Maybe it’s been hours or days. Maybe it’s been weeks, months or years. It doesn’t matter. Depression is a very real thing. Pain is a very real thing.

I see you. God most certainly sees you. And you are thought of, prayed for, and loved today. If you don’t know what you know anymore, then know that.

Peace to you.

XXP

It’s A Shame

It’s a shame that shame is often found in places, situations, thoughts, conversations, sentences and moments where it has no business being in.

We shame because we don’t understand, we can’t relate, we aren’t the same, we are different, we are jealous, we are insecure, we feel guilt, we are angry, we are bitter, we are hurt, we are wounded.

We shame people because they speak a different belief or lifestyle. we shame culture, race, religion, faith, sexuality, gender, where you live, your profession, your haircut, your weight, your colour, your disability, the music you listen to, your education.

Damn, we even shame people for being too nice. too happy, too kind, too beautiful, too talented, too successful, too positive.

It begins as a thought and can end in war.

It’s a shame.

I love these words from the beautiful, incandescent Bianca Cash.

Fear No Evil

“The books or music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, what came through them was longing.

These things – the beauty, the memory of our own past – are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they will turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers.

For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never visited.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I love to travel. As a matter of fact, there are a few things that I love more in this world than to travel. And as I think about why it’s captured my heart so completely, I can say for certain that a huge aspect of it is that it exposes me to beauty. The beauty of this world that God had created to mirror heaven. The beauty I find in the faces of people of varying ethnicities. The wonder evoked in me by the sunsets and mountains and stars and beaches and trees that don’t quite look the same no matter which end of the earth I visit.

And I know that this feeling of longing isn’t an earthly one. I know God Himself put it there. I know that there is more… there has got to be more. I know this even in the senseless death of an innocent child or even a loved one. I know this even in the daily news reports of bombings, death, hunger, terror, torture and fear everywhere around the world that I, admittedly, on some level have become desensitized to. It’s all enough to drive anyone crazy. Sometimes the enemy isn’t on the external level, but on the inside. Sometimes it’s our own thoughts. I personally know what it’s like to struggle with anxiety and it’s worse than any outside circumstance I’ve had to deal with.

So at such a time when it’s too easy to give in to fear and believe that the worst is yet to come, I pray that the peace of God which surpasses all understanding would guard your heart and mind. My prayer as well is that this song and these lyrics would encourage you as much as they have me. x Remember… there is more, and our stories don’t end here. The Prince of Peace is FOR you, WITH you, and He always will be.

What I’ve Learned at 29

So I’m just about two weeks in of being 29, so I’m thinking that officially deems me as the foremost expert on all things 29-ish. Ha. But seriously, being on the cusp of the big 3-0, there’s really been no lack on my end of reflection and consideration of what I’ve learned thus far. Three decades on earth. 10,585 days (#blessed).

The road getting here without a doubt has been fun, crazy, challenging, painful… and every other adjective in between. Something tells me this entry is going to be very much a personal one so if you’re not in touch with your emotions or this is something that makes you uncomfortable, it’s probably best that you close the tab now and move on to a fashion blog or something. ‘Cause it’s about to get reallllllllll!

Man, at 29, I know I’m a completely different person than I was at 9, 19, or even 27 if I’m being honest. I don’t like to think of myself as jaded or bitter, so I’ll just say that at this point, I’m more aware of the less-than-pretty things in life.

1. People will let you down. Yup, that includes your favorite parent, your closest sibling, your sweet lover, and your bestest friend in the world. At some point, they. will. let. you. down. Your job is to not to let your identity or well-being rest on the actions or words of anybody. No matter how much you love them or believe in them. Because guess what: the person that you respect the most in this world is just as flawed as you are. Don’t expect them to be super humans. I have been let down (in a huge way) by the people that I love the most and what I’ve learned from those experiences is that I shouldn’t expect too much from anybody. And again, that’s not to encourage jadedness or bitterness, just a healthy dose of reality and managed expectations.

2. You finally know what you want. I work as a freelance writer. Words are my currency. I used to call it my dream job, and for the last few years it has been, I just don’t feel that way anymore. In the last decade, my heart has always beat for social justice organizations, causes, and the like, I’ve just never been able to find a job in this sector. It’s either that, or they’ve never chosen to hire me.

So now after almost four years of working from home, I’m on the prowl again. Because I know what I want. If you’re in high school, college, or even your mid- or late-20s, don’t worry. It’s likely that most of the people around you don’t know what they want either, or they just may be some of the lucky few who do. This is the time for you to figure it out. In the meantime, give yourself room to explore, discover and make a few mistakes here and there.

HINT: find out what makes your heart beat fast and see if you can do that for a living. Then it will never feel like a job. Your passions, gifts and talents are a huge indicator of what you should be doing.

But of course, knowing what you want isn’t limited to career paths and what not. You also know what you want in a relationship. In a partner. In a future spouse. You know what I hate, even though they mean well? When a friend tries to force a guy on me that I totally don’t see myself with. Because at this age, I know what I want. I’ve seen what love looks like, and I’ve also witnessed what it doesn’t look like. In the words of a very wise woman named Christine Caine, “Don’t settle for relationships that require losing your voice, your self-respect, or your dignity”.

I’m just not willing to sell out to the first guy that comes around for one less lonely night. For the most part anyhow, being lonely is a choice. Or maybe I’m just past that point. And that’s not to say that I demand perfection, I’m just done wasting my time. If you haven’t figured out what non-negotiable traits you’d like in a partner, now would be a great time to get started on that list. I’ve read that 80 (or 90%) of a person’s happiness is contingent on the person that they marry. So you want to make that decision with careful consideration. Don’t rush. You’re worth it, and chances are, you’re the person who’s putting the most pressure on yourself.

3. You’re done with the BS.

Ha. This year was a tough one for me. 2014 was absolutely cray-cray. This year I have no doubt that God’s ultimate goal was to hone PATIENCE in me. Because so many of the situations I found myself in this year demanded it, and though I’m better for it now, man it wasn’t easy. At 29, I’m so proud to say that I’ve arrived at the point where I love and respect myself enough to not surround myself with people who a) don’t even want to be around me in the first place; b) don’t treat me with love and respect; and c) are just plain toxic. Not that I don’t believe in hanging out with those society shuns, but I’m talking about people whom I give importance to and foster intimacy with. Because ultimately, we inevitably become who we hang out with.

At 29, man, you just get to the point where you’re completely done being someone’s doormat, or who don’t treat you the way that you deserve. Because this isn’t high school or college anymore where if you rocked the boat in your social circle, you’d have to eat in the cafeteria all by your lonesome. Now there are no more excuses for spending time with people who don’t deserve you or who don’t better you in any way. It’s all on you.

4. Forgiveness will set you free.

In relation to the aforementioned, with pain come scars and wounds. We’re about to enter into a new year and I sure as hell don’t want to take any grudges or chips on my shoulder with me into the future. It’s the people we love that hurt us the most, but guess who enters an invisible prison when we choose to harbor hatred and bitterness towards others? It’s us, not them. So yeah, take a couple days to lick your wounds and sulk, but once you’re done, move forward. And allow yourself time to heal. But don’t leave the relationship on the wayside. If you can salvage it, do so.

5. I don’t know everything. In fact, I don’t know that much at all.

The more I learn about the world, the more it dawns on me just how little I know. And the best way to keep learning is to keep an open mind, and to be humble enough to admit that you don’t know everything. Doing otherwise just makes you straight up annoying, and you also strip yourself of the opportunity to expand your knowledge.

6. Crap happens, and some people really are just jerks.

Haha. I know this comes off as totally cynical, but it’s the truth! Crap will happen to you no matter how much money you have or don’t have, how much planning you do, and irrespective of how good a person you are. There are no exceptions — life will screw us all over at some point, and our job is to roll with these punches as they come. Suck it up and smile. And don’t take your frustration out on other people.

And yup, some people really are just jerks. I’m fortunate enough to have been surrounded all my life with people that encouraged me to seek to understand others before being understood, plus my Psych background helps as well, but what I’ve come to realize is that some people really just choose to act out no matter how nice or innocent you are. No, they haven’t had a bad day, they weren’t abused as a child, and their lives aren’t falling apart in any way, they’d just rather hate on others for no reason at all. Just smile. Who knows, if they get enough smiles in their direction, they may just decide to throw them back at somebody else one fine day. Wonders never cease, right? 🙂

7. You realize how crazy beautiful life is.

And because I’m aware of how negative (or realistic??) this entry is getting, let’s end this on a positive note. This year two friends of mine passed away, I’ve had to deal with very challenging situations concerning people that I love dearly, and a lot of terrifying events occurred around the world. It made me reevaluate the purpose of life, question whether God truly is in control, and go to sleep tearful and afraid. And yet… despite the craziness of it all, in spite of the fact that there are still so many things I don’t understand, a barrage of questions in my mind that won’t get answered on this side of eternity, I still think life is beautiful. And yes, that God is in full control. We just choose to point the finger at him when something bad happens.

I’ve just had too many first-hand experiences of grace, love and forgiveness to believe otherwise… not to mention the countless “coincidences” or “happenstances” that have manifested in my life.

Yes, there are people that make life ugly and that continually make the choice to hurt others, but if I let that get to me, it will literally drive me insane. I believe, unequivocally, that genetics + environment + uncontrollable factors aside, this is how the spiral of depression often starts. With our thought life. Tell yourself something enough times and for certain you will start to believe it.

So tell yourself this whenever you feel you can’t go any further:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.

Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,

and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

Desiderata (Max Ehrmann, 1927)

We’re in this together & I’m cheering you on!

XXP

Where The Love Lasts Forever

 

I’m a born-again Christian – evangelical, non-denominational, Pentecostal – all of the aforementioned descriptions are cool with me but twice a year I hear mass with my mom on Christmas Eve and New Year Eve’s and she attends worship services with me as well.

Last year I particularly enjoyed because of the part where I got to recite the Nicene Creed. There’s something so powerful and profound about professing what you believe with your mouth.

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.

We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.

These two paragraphs in particular have brought me so much comfort at this time when my faith and strength have been shaken like never before.

It brings me so much peace knowing that my Saviour will come again, and when that time comes he will be here to stay and oppression, violence, war and all injustice will cease. I look forward to the day that believers who have gone to sleep, whom I have loved, who have affected my life in ways probably I will never know, I will see face-to-face again and get to embrace. It’s not a wish, it’s not a hope, it’s an irrevocable belief and something I believe will be a reality one day.

A week ago I came home from a good friend’s wedding to find out that a friend of mine had tragically and unjustly been killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. My heart broke. I had only a few days with Princess during my trip to CA last fall but in that short time, she was a blessing to me. My heart broke even more knowing that two close friends of mine were inconsolable and I couldn’t and can’t be by their side to share their pain. All I can do is pray and hope they feel my love 7000 miles away.

I barely knew her, but Princess’ death and memory will haunt me forever. I can’t stop thinking of the time I had with her. The laughs we shared as we spent the night at the Kern County Fair and ate at Denny’s afterwards. The drive to my cousin’s place in LA from Bakersfield. I can’t stop thinking of her in front of my cousin’s house which was the last time I ever saw her. I wish I had hugged her harder. I wish I had spoken different words to her. I wish I had known that that would be all the time I would have with her on this earth. I will never have those moments back. The night that she died, I had just deleted her birthday message to me on my cell a few hours prior to me finding out she was gone. I would do anything to get that SMS back. I’ve gone through our exchanges on Instagram over and over. I wish, I wish, I wish. It’s regret after regret after regret.

Princess’ death opened my eyes to so many things. I now understand firsthand how brief our time here on earth is. Anyone can be taken away in the blink of an eye. We – no exceptions – are all living on borrowed time. No preventive measures can stop it from happening if it’s your time to go. In her death, Princess is changing my life. I can’t explain it. It makes me want to both despise and treasure the mundane. Right now, I feel like nothing matters but also that everything matters. I feel like it doesn’t matter whether I treasure an ordinary day because I could die tomorrow anyway; but I also know that I should treasure it like it’s my last precisely because I could die tomorrow anyway.

I now know that I have to be more forgiving, more loving, more tolerant, and more forgetful. I don’t know what’s up ahead, but I know I’ll always have and take Princess’ memory and legacy with me. I will love people harder, treasure life more, and dig deeper in my faith. Love God. Love People. Princess Almonidovar, you are now with the Prince of Peace.

Catch you later babe.  Welcome home. XX P

P.S. In my moments of deepest pain, I have found that it’s not words or people that bring me comfort. It’s music. Hope these two songs bless you as much as they have me.

In this life I would stand
through my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fades

So I throw my life upon all You are
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me
And when all else fades, my soul will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever