I’m a born-again Christian – evangelical, non-denominational, Pentecostal – all of the aforementioned descriptions are cool with me but twice a year I hear mass with my mom on Christmas Eve and New Year Eve’s and she attends worship services with me as well.
Last year I particularly enjoyed because of the part where I got to recite the Nicene Creed. There’s something so powerful and profound about professing what you believe with your mouth.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.
These two paragraphs in particular have brought me so much comfort at this time when my faith and strength have been shaken like never before.
It brings me so much peace knowing that my Saviour will come again, and when that time comes he will be here to stay and oppression, violence, war and all injustice will cease. I look forward to the day that believers who have gone to sleep, whom I have loved, who have affected my life in ways probably I will never know, I will see face-to-face again and get to embrace. It’s not a wish, it’s not a hope, it’s an irrevocable belief and something I believe will be a reality one day.
A week ago I came home from a good friend’s wedding to find out that a friend of mine had tragically and unjustly been killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. My heart broke. I had only a few days with Princess during my trip to CA last fall but in that short time, she was a blessing to me. My heart broke even more knowing that two close friends of mine were inconsolable and I couldn’t and can’t be by their side to share their pain. All I can do is pray and hope they feel my love 7000 miles away.
I barely knew her, but Princess’ death and memory will haunt me forever. I can’t stop thinking of the time I had with her. The laughs we shared as we spent the night at the Kern County Fair and ate at Denny’s afterwards. The drive to my cousin’s place in LA from Bakersfield. I can’t stop thinking of her in front of my cousin’s house which was the last time I ever saw her. I wish I had hugged her harder. I wish I had spoken different words to her. I wish I had known that that would be all the time I would have with her on this earth. I will never have those moments back. The night that she died, I had just deleted her birthday message to me on my cell a few hours prior to me finding out she was gone. I would do anything to get that SMS back. I’ve gone through our exchanges on Instagram over and over. I wish, I wish, I wish. It’s regret after regret after regret.
Princess’ death opened my eyes to so many things. I now understand firsthand how brief our time here on earth is. Anyone can be taken away in the blink of an eye. We – no exceptions – are all living on borrowed time. No preventive measures can stop it from happening if it’s your time to go. In her death, Princess is changing my life. I can’t explain it. It makes me want to both despise and treasure the mundane. Right now, I feel like nothing matters but also that everything matters. I feel like it doesn’t matter whether I treasure an ordinary day because I could die tomorrow anyway; but I also know that I should treasure it like it’s my last precisely because I could die tomorrow anyway.
I now know that I have to be more forgiving, more loving, more tolerant, and more forgetful. I don’t know what’s up ahead, but I know I’ll always have and take Princess’ memory and legacy with me. I will love people harder, treasure life more, and dig deeper in my faith. Love God. Love People. Princess Almonidovar, you are now with the Prince of Peace.
Catch you later babe. Welcome home. XX P
P.S. In my moments of deepest pain, I have found that it’s not words or people that bring me comfort. It’s music. Hope these two songs bless you as much as they have me.
In this life I would stand
through my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day
There’s a hope that never fades
So I throw my life upon all You are
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me
And when all else fades, my soul will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever